Unemployment is weird

The first time I blogged in, January 2010, I'd been out of work for a few weeks. I never thought it would last this long. And the funny thing is, it isn't about age, because I don't ever get that far. Once you're in, you have to show your license (I find a little Whiteout over the birthdate helps), but I haven't gotten in the door yet to be scrutinized. Well, actually I have. I worked four days last year. These employers did see my birthdate before I thought up the Whiteout trick. Did this make a difference? I'm a freelancer, so they don't have to call me back, and I'll never know why. Was I too old, working with all these 20 and 30 somethings? Did I suck at my job? Will I get another job?

I remember the 1980s, when people said you were washed out at fifty. But I also remember in the 80's when Lancome dumped Isabella Rosellini as a model when she turned forty. Things have changed. Diane Keaton is doing cosmetic print ads now, in her sixties. Hopefully, I will be able to get work because of my skills, and it won't matter that I'm over fifty. Why should it? Older workers appreciate the work more, are better at it, and are absent less often due to partying.

It's amazing how quickly you get used to not working. You can sleep in, stay up late like the teenager you once were, and watch lots of TV.  But there's a down side. Besides not making an income, my cats are getting really tired of me, and I of them. They eat too damn much, Vi has allergies which are costing me a fortune, and they have no thumbs - or else I'd send them out to find work.

I need a job to feel useful and validated. I need to feel needed and wanted. I realize that even when I get called in to work, no one really gives a shit about me. I'm replaceable. But there's the illusion of need (if only for a day), and it feels so good. I'm too young to retire. I have no money for travel. I want to work. I want to mix news audio like I have for 25 years. I don't want to reinvent myself. I like myself the way I am. I want to work.