Dating is Weird

Remember when you were young and all a guy had to be was cute? Now we're all so picky! The guy has to be rich, healthy, slim, vegan, funny, and did I say rich? On and off since the early 90s (doesnt THAT sound so long ago!) Ive been on and off internet dating sites. Here are some Aging is Weird guidelines:

1) In your profile, take at least 5 years off your age. And never list anything over 50 as your age. 49 is okay, 50 is the kiss of death. You can own up on the first date, but you wanna be considered in order to get the date.

2) You can take a few pounds off your weight, but not enough to disappoint at first sight. You know how disappointed YOUVE been when a guy has lied about stuff - like hair, weight, charm, age, intelligence and that eclectic sense of humor they all say they possess.

3) Instant karma - yup, you'll know in 15 seconds if the guy is the one. And so will he. So either meet for coffee or a drink. Dont do what I did which is spend New Years Eve with a blind date. Boy was that a long night.

4) Always offer to pay your half. On the first date if the guy lets you then you'll know he's a cheap bastid and you can move on from there. However, be aware that its no longer the 1950s and guys dont really HAVE to pay anymore. We just want them to.

5) Making out and sex are up to you. Just be careful. No glove, no love. And please, whatever you do, dont move to Maryland and into a 27000 sq ft armory with a guy who is only separated from his wife and who will spend all winter not heating the place so you will leave once you have gotten pneumonia. Not to mention the poor cats who basically lay on top of each other for four months despite being fixed. NO, for relo, make sure the person is DIVORCED!!!

So good luck and godspeed. I'll be sitting home with my cats watching Cash Cab and laughing at you all.